(Written September 20th)
I’ve been noticing I need to do a better job of seeing the good things in my life rather than focus on the not so good things- not the real struggles -I am talking about silly things, material things. Our house is slowly falling apart, our yard resembles the desert (just blame the California drought) my kitchen is too small, and how can I bear to walk in the living room if I don’t get the banister repainted!?! The things that don’t really matter one bit but can start a cycle of feeling frustrated, discouraged, and worse…UNGRATEFUL. I can see this in myself and I decided two days ago that I needed to get a little more help and the scriptures say you should ask the Lord for help. Proverbs 3:5-6. Not that He will take the problems away but I know He can help change my heart and direct my path. I wanted to get serious about it, so I decided I need to do the real prayers- get down on my knees and actually have a conversation about this. We pray as a family, and I feel like I have this running conversation in my head and heart with Heavenly Father, but I have not been doing a very good job of specific personal prayers.
This morning as I was praying and seriously asking for help to know where I should focus my time and energy, (and that I could be less annoyed/annoying in general) thoughts about my oldest son Scotty started coming to mind. I felt like it was such a gift because the rest of today I kept remembering the ways I have been so blessed because I get to be his mom.
How did this happen??? He went from here to there in a blink. First day home as a newborn and then last week Jonathan took this picture of him walking onto campus for his first day of High School. (This picture just tugs at my heart!)
Of course writing about him I couldnt help but go through and look for my favorite pictures…..taking pictures of the tulips in Amsterdam, showing me another lego creation, his baptism day, best big brother…
As much as I would love to shrink him back to his 2 year old size and just squeeze him and listen to him name all his animals, I am so lucky to have this man-boy in my life. He is just a good person. He doesn’t hold grudges, he’s funny, he likes to tease just like a big brother should, he thinks our dogs are so cute, he loves to talk to me about when Jack was a baby (and keeps pictures of Ben and Ty as babies by his bed), he shows me cool videos on his Ipod, he likes going to the movies with me, he wants me to pick him up from school, he made me breakfast on my birthday and said “Its made with love!” Of course he is not perfect, but he is the perfect boy for me. He is just so wonderful (said the mom with extreme bias.) I never knew it would be this kind of fun, knowing my child as a “grown up.”
Now he is sharing his great Lego skills with little brothers,
carrying them on his back, and he has outgrown me, I am betting by next year he’ll be the tallest in our family.
He motivates me in ways I cant motivate myself. It reminds me of the lyrics to that Wicked song- “because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” For years I have thought “I should get up early and exercise” but….never did, UNTIL last fall when Scott wanted to get up early before school and run but didn’t want to go alone- ok done. No problem. I loved doing that with him! He has read his scriptures for over two years without missing 1 day. I don’t think I have read for more than 2 weeks without missing a day but he reminds me and makes me want to try harder.
I tell my kids all the time the exact same thing my mom told me. “You will never understand how much I love you until you have kids of your own.” It is so true! Scott was my first true “love at first sight.” I was a goner the moment I looked at his big brown eyes and it hasn’t changed.
So tonight I am grateful that my simple prayer was answered and my heart was full (at least for today! these things seem to take persistence) and instead of thinking about the boring annoyances of life I got to be reminded of one of my best blessings. Tender Mercy from a loving Heavenly Father and a reminder that Prayer really does change things. XOXO